Reflections on the Residency
When I first ran across the Lead Pastor Residency opportunity, I was on YouTube of all places. I guess the social media algorithm overlords and gremlins were listening to me and observing my internet searches. But on that video, there was Joel. His beanie to protect his bald head from the Seattle chill. The fingerless gloves, which I still don’t understand. Walking around the Junction in his winter coat. Dude certainly had a vibe that this former Floridian was drawn toward. But what struck me most is how he talked about needing healthy pastors and leaders in Seattle. His high call of relational and spiritual health is what intrigued me most. Trinity becoming a place where aspiring pastors are refined into men of character was their goal, and that resonated. I’ll tell you what…Joel, David, the Elders, Nick, the leaders and members of Trinity…y’all delivered.
It feels odd to declare some version of, “I am a man of character now.” But that is putting it too crudely. It abandons the nuance. A better framing is, “As I look back, I see where I was then and where I am now. Praise God for His work in me.” One of my most common prayers is that we, or I, look more like Christ today than we did yesterday. And I think that prayer was answered.
In ministry, we often think of three major areas when it comes to growth: character, calling, competency. So much of my residency was character and calling focused. It was a ton of internal, heart-focused work. Malachi 3 captures my experience well. Going into the refiner's fire, being shaped through trials and testing. The clearest example of competency growth for me was preaching. I won’t talk about that much here, other than simply being thankful for the opportunity to learn, grow, fail, and flourish in the area of preaching. The opportunities I was provided here at Trinity were life-changing and life-giving. Yet, the primary way refining took place was related to character and calling. It is in those two areas that I want to provide my primary reflections.
GOING VERTICAL
Whitney and I were required to do a marital counseling intensive as part of the residency. It was the only thing that Trinity required of her for my time here. Otherwise, she was simply expected to be an involved member of the church.
One of the largest growth pains that came out of that day long counseling intensive was that I was basically dumping all of my feelings and thoughts on her. When I write all, I mean ALL. Every day. Every evening. All my thoughts, bad and good. Just word vomiting.
As a verbal processor, I just thought this was normal. Turns out, it’s not. It wore her down, and I was ultimately using her attention to make me feel okay again. I was relying on her the way I should have been relying on Jesus. I was putting her in the place of God. I was using her to atone for my disillusionment and struggles. It is a role that she literally cannot fulfil.
What I learned that day was: Go vertical before you go horizontal. Meaning, go to God before I go to her. This has transformed how I interact with Whitney. I get to bring her the things that are most important to me, rather than bringing everything on my mind in hopes she will pull out the important stuff. She gets the best parts of me rather than the leftovers and word dumps. In return, I get her full self too. Not just a worn down, exhausted version to which I was contributing. Since that day, this transformation has trickled into my other relationships as well. We must all go vertical before we go horizontal.
FAMILY FIRST
The previous area refinement led to another. My family is my first ministry. Beyond a simple concept, God revealed that my family is the place that gets the best of me. Not His church. They get to receive my first fruits as it were. While I am still called to dedicate myself fully to God’s church, the bride of Christ, it cannot be at the expense of my wife and children.
When I am pouring into them, giving them my heart, it is actually easier to be fully present with the church. My ministry flows from the health and well-being of my family. God gives that elusive confidence for ministry when I have given my family my best. He shows up in my weakness and in my exhaustion when I feel spent. It is his church after all, not mine.
THERE’S GRACE FOR THAT
I have studied grace. Given grace. Received grace. Taught about grace. But there are some big moments in life where you can almost tangibly feel the grace distributed to you in such a way that it transforms you immediately. I had a moment like that earlier on in the residency. I was struggling with a few things. Confessed them. The very first thing that I was told was, “I love you.” And I was given a hug.
“There is now no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” from Romans 8 was lived out in front of me by leaders and pastors. My goodness. The change was instantaneous. I wanted to return and distribute what I had received. By God’s grace, I was able to do so.
Furthermore, I saw how important this is for pastors to consistently do. We are not perfect in the endeavor, but when we ourselves had been transformed by grace, far be it from us to withhold it in the future. From the example given by the pastors here, I am now committed to be a pastor who leads with grace. I want to have the mindset of, “There’s grace for that.” I want to be a pastor who errs on the side of too much grace, all while holding to the truth of God’s word. Because it is grace that transformed us initially in our salvation. It is grace that sustains us and sanctifies us as we continue to walk this earth.
DISCERNMENT
This somewhat ties into my learning from before. But a large theme of my residency has been learning when to voice my thoughts or withhold them. A key lesson that God revealed to me, in a time of quiet prayer actually, was that sometimes, discernment is just for me.Discernment is only what is true, but it is also what to do with what is true.
Often when we Christians notice something wrong or disordered or something going poorly, we say it. We feel compelled to speak. Compelled to fix the broken thing. Label the problem out loud.
I learned that sometimes, when I discern that something is broken or going poorly, that it is okay to sit on it and pray. It is okay to let God fight some of those battles (Exodus 14:14). When I discern the best path forward in this thing or that thing, it is okay to allow people to get there themselves or to lead them there without direct confrontation or instruction. My voice is not always needed. But that same discernment can change how I act. It can change how I take my next step. It can change how I operate going forward.
My discernment can’t force others to change, but it can change me. God gives us discernment as a gift. Wisdom is there when we ask. But sometimes, that discernment is just for me.
WE’RE ALL JUST PASSING THROUGH
This article has been a bit long. But I want to conclude it here by acknowledging the temporary.
Whitney suggested that the residency is akin to fostering a child. You fully accept a kid into your family for a season in hopes to reunite them with their own family. The residency is similar. There is a short, couple year commitment to an aspiring pastor. You pour everything into them, only to see them go. I want to add to her analogy.
The residency, like foster care, is a microcosm of the Christian walk. We all know that we are not of this world (John 18:36). We know that the kingdom of Jesus will overcome the kingdom of this world (Revelation 11:15). We live in the now and the not yet. We’re all just passing through.
Yet…we are called to be fully present in this temporary existence. Live in this world fully and unabashedly for the Lord. Love God and love people. Build homes and families. Raise up businesses and help the city to flourish. Plant roots while knowing this is not our final home.
The residency compressed that reality into two years rather than a lifetime. It is a miniature version of our earthly existence.
Eternity has already started. So i must live faithfully today.
Conclusion
My time here in the residency has been wonderful. Full of fun, growth, learning, and so much more. So many of the relationships we made here, especially with the Clems, can be reduced to the famous C.S. Lewis quote from The Four Loves, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'"
I looked up, saw people on the same path as me, and walked with them for this amazing season. We are all just passing through, but now we have a whole church of people behind us who walked alongside us and helped us grow. My time here was well worth the 4,000+ mile move from Florida. The resources and efforts of Trinity were well invested. By the grace of God, Trinity, y’all delivered.
Good is ahead!
